ALL TIED UP & STRUNG ALONG: HOLLYWOOD STRING THEORY MOVIE!!! LOOKING FOR EXTRAS!!!

[astro]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
http://revver.com/video/48391/ (WATCH IT!)
http://revver.com/video/48391/ (WATCH IT!)

ALL TIED UP & STRUNG ALONG, a movie about String Theorists and their expansive theories which extend human ignorance, pomposity, and frailty into higher dimensions, is set to start filming this fall. Jessica Alba, John Cleese, Eugene Levie, Jackie Chan, and David Duchovney of X-files fame have all signed on to the $700 million Hollywood project, which is still cheaper than String Theory itself, and will likely displace less physicists from the academy.

"As contemporary physics is about money, hype, mythology, and chicks," Ed Witten explained from his offices at the Princeton Institute for Advanced Study, "The next logical step was Hollywood, although I thought Burt Reynolds should play me instead of Eugene Levy."

Brian Greene, the famous String Theorist who will be played by David "the truth is out there" Duchovney, explained the plot: "String theory's muddled, contorted theories that lack postulates, laws, and experimentally-verified equations have Einstein spinning so fast in his grave that it creates a black hole. In order to save the world, we String Theorists have to stop reformulating String Theory faster than the speed of light. We are called upon to stop violating the conservation of energy by mining higher dimensions to publish more BS than can accounted for with the Big Bang alone, and I win the Nobel prize for showing that M-Theory is in fact the dark matter it has been searching for."

Greene continues: "At first my character is reluctant to stop theorizing and start postulating, but when my love interest Jessica Alba is sucked into the black hole, I search my soul and find Paul Davies there, played by John Cleese. I ask him what he's doing in my soul, and he explains that the answer is contained in the mind of God, which only he is privy too, but for a small fee, some tax and tuition dollars, a couple grants here and there, and an all-expense-paid book tour with stops in Zurich and Honolulu, he can let me in on it. And he shows me God in all her greater glory, as he points out that we can make more money in Hollywood than writing coffee-table books that recycle Einstein, Bohr, Dirac, Feynman, and Wheeler. I am quickly converted, and I agree to turn my back on String Theory's hoax and save Jessica Alba."

But it's not that easy, as standing in Greene's way is Michio "king of pop-theory-hipster-irony-the-theory-of-everything-or-anything-made-
you-read-this" Kaku, played by Jackie Chan. Kaku beats the crap out of Greene for alomst blowing the "ironic" pretense his salary, benefits, and all-expense paid trips depend on. "WE MUST HOLD BACK THE YOUNG SCIENTISTS WITH OUR NON-THEORIES!! WE MUST FILL THE ACADEMY WITH THE POMO DARK MATTER THAT IS STRING THEORY TO KEEP OUR UNIVERSE FROM FLYING APART, OUR PYRAMID SCHEMES FROM TOPPLING, AND OUR PERPETUAL-MOTION NSF MONEY MACHINE FROM STOPPING!!" Kaku argues as he delivers a flying back-kick, "There can be ony ONE! I WILL be String Theory's GODFATHER as referenced on my web page!! I have better hair!"

But Greene fights back as he signs his seventeenth book deal to make the hand-waving incoherence of String Theory accessible to the South Park generation, senior citizens, and starving chirldren around the world. "Kaku! Kaku! (pronounced Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw! like Owen Wilson did in Bottle Rocket)," Greene shouts. "It is theoretically impossible to build a coffee tables strong enough to support any more coffee-table physics books!!!"

"Time travel is also theoretically impossible, but there's a helluva lot more money for us in flushing physics down a wormhole. Nobody knows what the #&#%&$ M stands for in M theory ya hand-waving, TV-hogging crank!!! Get it?? Ha Ha Ha! We're laughing at the public! We're the insider pomo hipsters! Get with the gangsta-wanksta-pranksta CRANKSTER bling-bling program!!"

How does it all end? Does physics go bankrupt funding theories that have expanded our ignorance from four dimensions into ten, twenty, and thirty dimensions? Do tax payers revolt? Do young physicists overthrow the hand-waving, contortionist bullies and revive physics with a classical renaissance favoring logic, reason, and Truth over meaningless mathematical abstractions? Does Moving Dimensions Theory (MDT) prevail with its simple postulate? We'll all just have to wait!

But in the meantime, how do you think it will play out?

Will theories with postulates ever be allowed in physics again? Or will the well-funded, tenured pomo String Theory / M-Theory (Maffia-Theory) Priests send their armies of desperate, snarky postdocs and starving graduate students forth to displace and destroy all common sense, logic, reason, and physics in the academy? It must be so--for the greater good of physics, the individual physicist, and thus physics, must be sacrificed.

MDT's postulate: THE FOURTH DIMENSION IS EXPANDING AT A RATE OF C RELATIVE TO THE THREE SPATIAL DIMENSIONS IN QUANTIZED UNITS OF THE PLANCK LENGTH, GIVING RISE TO TIME AND ALL CLASSICAL, QUANTUM MECHANICAL, AND RELATIVISTIC PHENOMENA.

http://revver.com/video/48391/ (WATCH IT!)
http://revver.com/video/48391/ (WATCH IT!)

[astro]

BREAKING SCIENCE NEWS:

This year's Nobel prize in physics will go to the first person who can name a single postulate or law of String Theory.

[caltechpostdoc]

this funny

[astro]

rock on all ye truth seekers!

[Epsilon=One]

Originally Posted by astro

BREAKING SCIENCE NEWS:

This year's Nobel prize in physics will go to the first person who can name a single postulate or law of String Theory.

To begin: first the origin of "strings" must be rationalized; then, their composition must be defined; finally, their etiology from beginning motion to particle formation should be described.

Of course, along the way, it would be nice if dimensions, bonds, forces, cyclic conservation, and life fit into the dialogue.

This is all quite possible; but, a prerequisite is the forces of Pomo theoretical physics must be redefined without an assist from the Big Bang or action-at-a-distance.

[caltechpostdoc]

# Dr. Ranger McCoy Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 2:16 pm

Does String Theory have any postulates or laws?

What is the frequency of a string when it is an electron?

What makes a string a proton? A quark? A photon?

Does String Theory account for wave-particle duality or the equivalence of mass and energy?

Moving Dimensions Theory proposes that wave-particle duality and the equivalence of mass and energy stem from the same, simple underlying postulate–the fouth dimension is expanding relative to the three spatial dimensions.

Which journal publishes theories that come complete with new postulates rooted in logic, reason, and experimental evidence?

[Epsilon=One]

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

Does String Theory have any postulates or laws?

Assuming that “postulates or laws” should be rather fundamental and true, the short answer is: No.

It is nonsensical to consider “postulates or laws” concerning a theory that has the stated purpose of unifying the “conventional” forces, which are, currently, all described as metaphysical.

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

What is the frequency of a string when it is an electron?

I have no idea what you intend by the term “string”; if it has to do with “string” theory the question is nonsensical; as is the theory.

However, electrons are the remnants of a Phorb, which evolved from a fundamental ellipsoid, that from an anthropoidal viewpoint, has the ultra-large “ellipticalness” of a hyper-relativistic, oscillating (simultaneous slide, swing, and vibration) straight line.

The electron remnant’s frequency would vary in accordance with its system; however, this variance would be imperceptible compared to its near infinite rate of complex oscillation.

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

What makes a string a proton? A quark? A photon?

A proton is a single Phorb, from which the electron is a remnant after it’s Phorb was compressed from the nucleus at Critical Compression as manifested by quasars and gamma-ray bursts,

A “quark” is a Soloid, the fundamental wave structure of matter; four of which comprise a Phorb. Soloids are heuristically represented by the integer diameters of the circles inscribed within right tiangles of Pulsoidal Ellipses.

A “photon,” as a particle, is an illusionary effect produced by the hyper-relativistic oscillations of a fundamental ellipsoid.

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

Does String Theory account for wave-particle duality or the equivalence of mass and energy?

Not that I know of. But, Pulsoid Theory does.

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

Moving Dimensions Theory proposes that wave-particle duality and the equivalence of mass and energy stem from the same, simple underlying postulate

This is quite so.

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

–the fouth dimension is expanding relative to the three spatial dimensions.

This statement is dependent upon the type of “time” considered and its definition . . . as well as the definition of spatial dimensions. Conventional definitions are circular, which adds a layer of difficulty to explaining and understanding MDT.

Originally Posted by caltechpostdoc

Which journal publishes theories that come complete with new postulates rooted in logic, reason, and experimental evidence?

Excellent query. I know of none. Can others provide some insight?

[astro]

video coming soon!!

[sunman423]

My friend was having touble with a diff eq math problems and he sent it to this website and within hours he had a written solution. It was actually pretty impresive. www.physicsben.com